|
[23 Sep 2004|10:41pm] |
ok I know this is long but it is so funny you have to read it, everyone can relate to it.
>We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
>in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
>As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
>inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
>Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
>
>CROP DUSTING
>When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
>your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from.
>Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
>
>FLY BY
>The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
>for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
>back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
>become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
>ESCAPEE
>A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
>poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
>embarrassment.
>If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
>Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
>the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
>is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
>parties feel uneasy.
>JAILBREAK
>When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
>This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,
>do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom
>to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>COURTESY FLUSH
>The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
>This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
>This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
>WALK OF SHAME
>Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
>stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
>someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
>that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
>COURTESY FLUSH.
>OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
>A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
>see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
>magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the
>Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
>A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
>goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
>whereabouts of Out
>
>Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>SAFE HAVENS
>A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
>expect
>visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This
>will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
>TURD BURGLAR
>Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
>force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
>moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the
>stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
>uncomfortable eye contact.
>CAMO-COUGH
>A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
>are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
>potential
>Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
>ASTAIRE.
>ASTAIRE
>A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
>are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
>occupied.
>If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
>poop in peace.
>
>WATERMELON
>A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
>is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
>create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
>HAVANA OMELET
>A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
>water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
>Astaire.
>
>UNCLE TED
>A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
>extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.
>An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
>should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits
you as well as the other bathroom attendees
|
|
| L&J |
[03 Jul 2004|03:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jessicas buffing song |
] |
It was good having Lis and Jess time tonight!!!!
|
|
|
[06 Jun 2004|12:56am] |
Ahhhh I love this girl so much, I miss her like mad crazy, she has been cracken me up all day! Good times! oh ya Good times!
( Some bad pics of Kaylen and I )
|
|
|
[25 May 2004|06:37pm] |
|
If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal
|
|
|
[22 May 2004|02:24am] |
Dear Leeann and Jessica, I just want yall to know how much I LOVE you guys.
Leeann I couldnt have asked for a better drinking buddy, I really dont know anyone who would stick there own fingers down my throat to help me throw up. you are amazing. Jessica sorry about the ride home, you are a trooper, I appreciate you helpen me out. Sara and Robin my apologies to yall as well for the ride home...
|
|
|
[15 May 2004|11:56am] |
I love that Jess and I would rather dance with each other than anyone else!!!
I love living with Jess, now if we only had Leeann here it would be PERFECT!
|
|
|
[27 Apr 2004|12:04pm] |
|
GEEEEE thanks Kirst, now I can make fun of myself!!!
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ummm_ya's journal
